When "OVERWHELM" takes over YOUR LIFE.

Automatically transcribed, so the wording is close but not exact.

Macie: Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of this Is Not Your Practice Life podcast. My name is Macie I'm so excited to have you joining me today. We're gonna talk about overwhelm. So I honestly cannot remember if I have done an episode solely addressing overwhelm, but I was in a Facebook group recently and there was a woman that was saying she was so overwhelmed with life. She felt like she was shutting down. She needed some help and advice with Overwhelm. And I went to search my podcast episodes just to see if I could offer a free episode to her about it. And I couldn't find one. So maybe it exists somewhere. I was not able to find it with a search. And that was an indicator for me that I needed to either re-record an episode for Overwhelm or just do one in general so that it's easily findable.

So that's what we're gonna talk about today because I know a lot of us get overwhelmed by life. Life be LIFE-ING I say that all the time, but it's so very ⁓ So let's talk about it. Today is going to be one of those days where I bring out my whiteboard and I give you a visual. So if you are a visual I highly suggest you pop over to YouTube and find this episode so that you can actually see me drawing on my whiteboard. Otherwise, if you're more of the listener type, you can visualize it in your mind and I will do my best to share with you what I have. I do draw poorly, so I will say, please don't judge my drawings right now on my board. You'll see two human brains. I know that they don't really look like brains, but that's what we've got to work with.

So anyways, let's dig into overwhelm. So here's what's so interesting about overwhelm. Okay. Now I know this episode might really tick you off, but Trust me when I say that most overwhelm ⁓ ⁓ but here's what I mean. When it comes to overwhelm, what it actually is on a psychological level is that our brain perceives all of our mental, emotional, and physical stressors ⁓ something that we do not have ⁓ or capacity to manage, which means that overwhelm is going to look different and feel different for every single individual. You can have two individuals who experience the exact same thing but have different levels of overwhelm. You might have one that their whole entire nervous system is wrecked and shuts down.

Whereas somebody else might just problem solve their way through it. So why is that? And again, to answer that question, it's because it's what our brain perceives. It takes the load that we are carrying mentally, physically, and emotionally. And if overwhelm is present, it's basically our brain saying, I don't have the tools, the resources, or the skills, or even the capacity. To manage everything that is in my mental, physical, emotional list. I don't have resources for it. I don't have anything available to me that would help me solve everything that I am going through. And you know what I'm gonna say? That is why your emotional intelligence skill building matters. Now, if you've ever taken an EQ assessment with me, because for all of my clients, I don't just guess.

And think you have emotional intelligence and you don't. This person does, and this person probably doesn't, based on what they're telling me in their life. I measure it. So all of my clients, when they come into work with me, actually take an EQ assessment so I can see exactly what's going on. You are measured in 25 different areas when you take an EQ assessment. And it's not just the overall score that matters and gives us the bulk of information. It's actually what's called the balance between scores, meaning that you want your scores from top to bottom, all 25 categories, to be in the same range. That means like ideally if you scored an 80 on your overall EQ assessment, you want your scores to be anywhere from 70 to 80 from top to bottom on every single category or 80 to 90, because that means you have a balanced level of emotional intelligence and that matters, especially in things like overwhelm.

Okay. So if you ever work with me, just know this is something you will tangibly be able to measure and hold. And we will actually be able to see how coaching is helping you over time. It's not a guess, it's actual data. Okay. That's really important for me as a coach because I want my clients to get results. If you're making the time and monetary investment, it's important that you are actually getting results and that your life feels good, not just like logically or even psychologically, but like it actually translates into the way that you are living your life and your embodiment of the skills. Okay. So with overwhelm, considering that it is essentially how our brain, our individual unique brain interprets a bunch of information, this is really, really important.

Because again, you can have two people that experience the same exact situations. And have totally different experiences, whether they believe that that is an overwhelming experience or not. If they have tools, if they have skills, if they have resources, if they know how to maybe self-coach their brain or they have a lot of self-awareness, they're going to feel less overwhelm than another person who is in overwhelm and thinks this is beyond my control. So something happens with overwhelm too. A lot of it is how well we regulate our nervous system after we've interpreted certain information. So this could be lists of things that you need to get done. It can be news that you are getting in your life.

So maybe there's tragic things that are happening. Maybe you get some depressing news. Maybe you get some drama ⁓ Maybe you know there are people that emotionally lean on you. So like outside people. In your life that depend on you or or often look to you to fix their problems. And if you feel responsible for their problems and you feel like you have to help them solve their own emotional life, then that is another thing you can become overwhelmed by. You can become overwhelmed by anything and everything. It can be your career, it could be money, it could be your relationships, it can be if how well you're taking care of yourself, having your children and everything that they've got going on, balancing and managing calendars, like.

Everything. There's so much that's happening in our life day to day. And again, when it comes to overwhelm, it's your brain saying, I don't think I have tools, capacity, or resources to manage everything. And I feel like I have to do it all at once, or I feel like I have to do all of this perfectly, or I feel like there's a right way to do it, or my brain believes that it's all or nothing. I'm either doing everything really well or everything really terribly. There's no middle ground, everything is black. Or white, it's no, there's no gray. When we have those thought processes and we feel that way, we like we will stay in a cycle of overwhelm. That's what's so challenging about overwhelm is that it's very easily, it can very easily become cyclical.

Okay. So something that we stay in and ruminate in over and over and over again. So as new things are added into our life of stressors. Which are pretty much inevitable in life. If we already don't feel like we're doing a good job and more is added to our plate, it is something that will just keep us in a cycle. So here's what it visually looks like in my mind. I'm very, I'm very visual. So when I think of clients who are overwhelmed, I like to think of it kind of as a ball of yarn. So I'm going to draw a very messy, like I want you to imagine a ball of yarn. that has become untied or, you know, like out of like if you buy a a bundle of yarn, it's pretty organized. But you know, after a while, if you just keep letting it go, letting it go, letting it go, eventually it's gonna become per like a tangled kind of mess.

And a lot of times when clients come to me, no matter what they're coming to me for, it, you know, they'll tell me things like I feel very overwhelmed. And what I visualize in my brain is a ball of yarn that has just become very tangled. And not only that, but there's little knots that are made at different points of this. And it does feel messy and it does feel hard because you just want your brain to feel clean and organized. And when you're navigating to day, a brain that feels like this or quote, looks like this. It's very hard to manage. And that's why I say it's cyclical. because if you don't ever do anything to change ⁓ resources, your skills, your capacity, and you just think that this is matter of fact.

It's black or it's white. This is where you're gonna live. You felt overwhelmed for years, nobody helps you. You create, you know, stories like I'm always gonna feel this way, I don't have the help, I don't have the support, I don't have the skills, I don't have the tools, I don't have the resources. Everything is hard. If you keep thinking that way and you change nothing, then yes, your brain is going to look and feel this way. So the difference, whenever we actually start to manage what we have going on and we start to break it down and we start to address and take care of the things that are happening in our life, we get clear, we become self-aware, we build our emotional awareness and resilience and capacity skills.

we get better at recognizing like what is within our control, what isn't within our control, what have I tried to take control of that wasn't mine or that isn't mine, that I can delegate ⁓ to the person that may actually be responsible. So if you often jump in and you you fix your fixer, a lot of the women that come into my life, they're fixers, right? They take care of everything and everyone. ⁓ someone's upset, they fix quote. I'm I'm quoting. They fix their moods. They fix it. They they take care of everything. So they have a brain that looks like a tangled knotted mess, but then they're helping to organize everybody else's brain as best as they can. I'm gonna, I'm gonna share with you what happens when 1.

other people are doing this for us, right? Or or we have this, you know, like if you're a mom, especially or wife. A lot of times you think you're being helpful because what you think that everything that you take on for other people is making their brain look like this when it comes to the yarn. Okay, I actually should have done a different color just so it's a little bit more visible. So this would be what their brain looks like. You think that if you're in control or if you step in and you help, that they get to have their brain this way. That's not actually always true either. But whenever you do have skills and you know, like you are self-aware and you are practicing the actual work, you start untangling this messy ball of yarn and you start to organize it like this.

And when you can organize it like this, again, what's happening to both people can be the exact same thing. So I'm just gonna put an equal there, right? It could be the exact same thing. But this person. Is going to feel much better than this person over here. It's not that their lives are totally different in this example, right? They could have the exact same things that are happening. But the person who has worked on themselves and the person who has equipped themselves, and the person who is self-aware and has emotional intelligence and balance in their skills, who ask for help, who accepts help. Who gets really clear on what they can control and what they can't control, their brain is going to operate like this.

It doesn't mean there's not a lot in there. As you can see, there's still a huge ball of yarn, but it's more organized. So they're gonna be able to approach their day-to-day life a lot better. It doesn't mean it's any easier than anybody else's or any harder than anybody else's. It just means that they, their brain feels more equipped to handle things as those things come up. Whereas if you look at this person, this person's going to probably be the type where their nervous system, whoops, their nervous system feels overwhelmed and they shut down. So what overwhelm looks like a lot of times in day-to-day is that you end up distracted. You buffer, you put things ⁓ off. ⁓ You spend your time in ways that you're not happy with or proud of.

So what's so interesting about overwhelm is that it is usually counterproductive to what actually needs to happen because overwhelm is like there's so much on my plate that I need to address or take care of, even if it's just mental and emotional. There's so much I need to sort through. There's so much that I need to get better at managing, or there's actual physical tasks that need to be done. But when your brain operates like the messy ball of yarn and the overwhelm, what does it want to do? Your nervous system is dysregulated. So then you want to shut down and you want to overeat or you want to overdrink. Again, I'm talking buffering. You binge watch TV, you find your shows on Netflix, you watch multiple seasons, you're not spending your time how you actually need to, and then you contribute to more overwhelm because in the time that you did have.

To actually be productive or to sort things through or work things out. You spent your time with your brain convincing you that what it actually needed was rest. the brain just becomes like I can't do anything. You don't make me do anything. I need to scroll social media. I need to be so engulfed in other people's lives because I I just can't live my own. Mine, mine feels too overwhelming. So let's see what everybody else is doing. Let's watch TV, let's overdrink, let's overeat, let's get on Amazon, let's shop and order a bunch of things that we maybe need, maybe we don't, and spend our time just being mush. Just being mush because that quote feels easier for the overwhelm. But then when you walk away from all of that, you actually don't feel better.

You're still a tangled ball of yarn. So overwhelm is this very tricky thing where it's very mental and very emotional. And yes, again, there can be physical things that are contributing to the overwhelm, like actual practical things that are contributing. But so much of it is based on the perception of what we feel we're equipped to handle versus what we don't feel we are equipped to handle. And if we're never changing our skill level in becoming equipped, and everything is seen as black and white, all or nothing, I'm doing it perfectly or I'm not doing it at all. Or, you know, my brain feels like too much mush and my nervous system is too overwhelmed to even address it, then we just keep swimming in this tangled ball of yarn.

Okay. So something has to give, something has to shift. And what that is is so unique to each individual. Another way that I visualize this is by like thinking of a bunch of plates spinning in the air. So like I know that these are not cute. I'm drawing for anybody that is not on YouTube. So let me just kind of give the visual here. You have plates that are spinning. And for women, we have a lot of plates often that are spinning. We're we're like the brain really does have so much that it's holding and that it's managing. And we feel like I we have to keep all of the plates spinning perfectly and we will run ourselves ragged. Trying to do that and it becomes very overwhelming. So then our nervous system wants to shut down and it again, it goes all or nothing.

It's like either all the plates are spinning perfectly and timed perfectly, or they're all gonna crash to the ground because I totally give up, right? And it could be like broken, just just broken. Okay. What I am saying is that you have the ability to get to a place. Where some of your plates are spinning a little faster, some of them are a little slower, and some of them you can simply put down. It's amazing when I start working with clients how they realize how many plates they're holding for other people that has never been their responsibility to hold in the first place. They have the ability to actually put that down. And they have the ability to choose what plates are spinning. And which plates really serve them well and what they're happy with spinning versus what they need to slow down or put down without it all burning and crashing.

So if you are living in a state of overwhelm, what I want to tell you is that is optional. You get to decide that. Every time I'm overwhelmed, I'm like, for what? I start to do the process of looking at what am I overwhelmed about? What Is my brain telling me I'm overwhelmed about that is fixable and solvable and actually in my control? What is it that I'm avoiding? Because I just don't want to feel the feelings of doing it and getting it done. It feels like dread. It feels like it's gonna be hard. It feels like, you know, something that just is going to take all of my energy from me, energy that I might not feel that I have. What am I trying to carry for other people where I need to maybe step away and let them carry it or set boundaries or communicate what I'm actually feeling?

Like there's just so much you can get into and start to untangle if you're willing to actually face the overwhelm. And that is something that coaching can help you do. If you come to me and you tell me you're overwhelmed, we're going to start breaking down what is that? What it what are you overwhelmed about? Tell me in every single category so we can figure out the plates situation. Okay. We can figure out which plates you want to keep spinning, which ones maybe can slow down a little bit, which ones we're gonna take off the little stick and we're gonna put on the ground so that it's not all crashing and burning to the point where you are wrecked mentally, emotionally, and physically. Overwhelm is a sign you are heading into a direction where you really may feel your nervous system.

want to give out. And when you get to that place, that's a really hard place to be. If you're at the place where it's like I'm no longer taking care of myself, my basic daily needs, I'm not thinking about myself. I'm not maybe showering. I'm not eating well. I'm not sleeping well. I, you know, I feel depressed. I feel like I'm not doing my hair. I'm not getting up and doing my makeup. I'm just kind of like, I'm just kind of like showing up, surviving. If you feel like you're surviving and not thriving, It's time to schedule a free 60-minute consult call. I'm not even kidding. Why live that way? Right. Why live that way when it truly is optional and you can have someone help you? And if I'm not the person to help you and I feel like it's like it's beyond what coaching can do, I'm gonna be honest and I'm gonna tell you it may be great to seek a therapist.

And guess what? If you're too overwhelmed to even search for a therapist, there have been clients in the past where I will help you search because life is too short to live like this. This is truly optional. When when you think about people who are also going through similar or the same things, okay, it's just a difference in their capacity levels. It's a difference in how they interpret what's going on. It's a difference in their skill level to balance the plates or put certain plates down. It's the willingness to feel emotions you may not currently have the capacity, but that's only because you maybe haven't directly addressed your EQ skills. So let's work on this because it's fixable. And it's changeable.

And I would love to help you do it if you're a good candidate for coaching. And on a consult, I will help you figure out if you are a good candidate for coaching. And again, if you're not and you're a better candidate for therapy, I'm going to lead you that way. And I will help you get there. If you just tell me what state you're in, what you're looking for, I will do my best to help you. I will go the extra mile because I just think like this is so optional. We can work through this. Okay, so if you're in this state and you need help with it, reach out. Reach out and I will do my best to help you. Okay. Overwhelm is just unique to each individual's own interpretation of everything that you've got going on, which means that this is a very individualized thing.

To solve the way that I solve it with one client may be a slightly different than the way that I solve it with another client, because I have to look at what their loads are or what their loads are perceived to be by their brain and what their brain is fighting to hold on to, whether though it's fighting to hold on to stories, it's fighting to hold on to beliefs. For example, "I can't, I can't not take care of that for them because they've been so used to me taking care of it. If I let it go, they're gonna think I that. They're gonna be mad at me or they're gonna think I don't love them or like them." It can start with stuff like that, like the responsibilities you have carried for other people that you feel like if you let it go, it's all gonna go to hell in a hand basket, right?

It's gonna be shot to hell. It's not always true. So like it this is so unique to each individual because I have to see like what does your brain categorize as overwhelm and why? What is it carrying that is actually its responsibility versus not its responsibility? What do we have to do and build in you to change this so that your brain becomes an organized ball of yarn? So that way when things happen, it feels like I know how to solve this, I know how to take care of this, I know how to do this, I know how to feel this and get crap done. It's all gonna be okay. That's what we want your brain to get to. And if it's currently this one over here. I just want you to know it's a fixable problem if you really, really, truly want help with it.

It doesn't mean it's going to be easy and it doesn't mean I'm going to do all the work for you, but it will mean that I take you and I guide you and I help you get here to the organized ball of yarn. So if you need help with that, you can go to macierenae. com That's M-A-C-I-E-R-E-N-A-E dot com. And as soon as you get on that webpage, there will be a little button on the bottom right corner that says schedule a free 60-minute consult. Pick your day, pick your time. I will call you personally. We'll talk about what you've got going on, how you're feeling about your life. And if you're a good candidate for coaching, we can move forward if you want to. And if it's not, that's okay too. All right.

I hope you have an amazing week and I'll see you very soon.