Working Through "'I'm NOT Good Enough'."

Automatically transcribed, so the wording is close but not exact.

Macie: friends, welcome back to another episode of this is not your practice life podcast. My name is Macie I'm happy to have you joining me today. We're going to talk about not feeling good enough. What does this mean? Why does this show up? If you have ever been someone that has thought I'm not good enough ⁓ any of that negative self ⁓ let's dig into it right now. I'll try to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. So here's what's interesting when clients come to me and they have this story of I'm not good enough. What's so fascinating to me is that good enough is different for every single individual on a podcast. would literally be impossible for me to share with you all of the ways in which someone may think that they are not good enough because It is based individually on what someone has compared themselves to.

So here is the thing with enough. is your ⁓ own ⁓ definition of what you good ⁓ is, ⁓ especially in the context whatever saying you're not good enough for. ⁓ You are not good enough. to person. You are not good enough. for this career, like whatever you're measuring good enough to, you have made up that definition based on things you have been told, things you have compared yourself to, things other people have compared you to. It is basically a made up scenario. What are you measuring yourself against? Who are you measuring yourself against? And what makes that person or that thing good enough. That is what I'm really wanting you to hone in on. Now, of course, if you were to hire me as your coach, we would literally dig into this on an individual level.

And this is why I've said in the past that what you gain from a podcast episode is more so awareness and yes, some teachings and yes, some skills, but what you will gain from actually putting yourself in a position of being coached is rewiring your own stories. Like what you actually believe the definitions to things are, how that definition operates in your life, how things show up and how you show up based on the stories that you're carrying in your life. So I've had women come to me and they're like, I just don't feel good enough. That could be, I don't feel good enough in my career. I don't feel good enough to take a certain job. I don't feel good enough compared to my siblings. I don't feel good enough.

compared to my friends, I don't feel good enough in a relationship, I don't feel good enough. And if I were to line up 500 women in each of those categories that I just named, what they would tell me could be completely different if I went one by one by one. I don't feel good enough because I'm not as smart. I don't feel good enough because I'm not as pretty. I don't feel good enough because I don't have the body. I don't feel good enough because I don't make the money. I don't feel good enough because they're further along. They have more clients. I don't feel good enough because I've never gotten a raise and they've got a raise. You could go on and on and on with what makes someone not feel good enough.

And you could also explore why they feel that way. Was it because maybe they were always compared to someone else? Was it because they compared themselves to someone else? Was it because someone told them a story? about their own belief and their thought and you or you know if we're speaking of another person adopted that belief as if it was their own. Like what's so interesting about the beliefs that stay stuck inside of us. So think about like if you were ever compared to your sibling if you were ever compared to an ex in a relationship if you've ever been compared to another business owner that is in your same niche or something. When it sticks and it starts to become problematic because you believe that lack of being good enough story, it is because the emotion that was present at the time where that story came into your world, they collide and that emotional reaction is so strong in your body.

Maybe you feel rejection, maybe you feel failure. Maybe you feel disappointment or that you are a disappointment, right? When the emotion is thick and real and raw and heavy and yucky that attaches to that moment in time where maybe you've been compared to something or to someone else, that's what makes the belief stick. So that is the formation of and the foundation of I am not good enough. And I am not good enough because X, Y, Z, but that is so unique to every individual. And here's the thing rewiring that isn't always as easy as just being like, well, here's what I think about myself. And now I'm going to just stop thinking that right. There's some work that goes into understanding where does that stem from to begin with is the definition of good enough, even something that you know.

Because here's the other piece of this. A lot of times if I ask a client, what's good enough? Well, look at me and stare at me with a blank stare. They're like, I don't even know that I could tell you what the definition of good enough is. I think I've just always felt not good enough, but I don't even know why. I don't know what good enough is. I don't, couldn't tell you what I'm comparing myself to, which is pretty fascinating. how natural this kind of comes about. So I want to challenge you, like if you have this story within yourself of I'm not good enough, whether it's because someone told you or because you've been telling yourself that you've compared yourself to something or someone else, you really want to first observe, like, do I understand what I'm even comparing myself to?

What makes me not feel good enough? Notice how I didn't say what makes me not good enough because you are already good enough. know hearing that from a stranger, if I'm a stranger or hearing that from someone who's been talking to you on this podcast for years, you may not believe it. If you are someone who has told yourself, I'm not good enough, but stop making it a title. Anything that follows I am means you have wrapped it up into your actual identity. Notice how that feels to make something your identity. Once it's your identity, it's harder to unwire or to rewire into something else. If you can start catching this and saying, feel like I'm not good enough, feelings are fluid. Feelings get to change.

Feelings get to evolve. The way you feel in one moment may not be how you feel in the next. So one simple change that you can make around I'm not good enough is stop saying, I am not good enough. Stop. making it your identity, stop claiming it as an identity, stop making good enough or not good enough a part of who you are as an individual. Start saying, I feel sometimes like I am not good enough. And here's why. And then part two of this is to get really clear on what is good enough. What is your definition of good enough? So like if I'm talking to a business owner and they're like, I don't feel like I'm good enough. Okay. Compared to what? Compared to who? I don't feel like I'm good enough because I don't have that many clients and I'm only making $25,000 a year.

Okay, so now we know your definition of what isn't good enough, but what is good enough? Well, good enough could be $75K a year, right? For another person, it might be they don't feel good enough at a million dollars a year. Now they want to be at $5 million a year to feel good enough. What's so interesting is that every single individual would have a different definition of good enough. Some people it's again body image. Some people it's accolades. Some people it's, you know, skills that they have or don't have. For some people it's personality traits, but we have to get clear on what they are. What's not good enough, which is the category you've put yourself in and what is good enough, which is what you're trying to reach and is it even attainable and do you even want it?

Those are the things that we're going to dig into. If you ever get coaching around, I'm not good enough. We want to understand how that formed, where it's coming from, if it's even true, the definition that you hold for good enough and why. And then we want to understand where you're really trying to go with it. Because are you just trying to obtain a specific feeling? Because a lot of times that means if it's like, for instance, around money and around your business, I'll put myself in the position. If I don't feel like I'm good enough as a business owner until I'm making 500 K or a million dollars a year or $10 million a year, then feeling good enough is based on something external. when something is based on like if your worth is based on something external, then that means that that external thing controls how you feel about yourself.

which means that when you get it, you're going to have a false sense of, am worth it because I made it to this accolade that is external, which also means that if you lose it, you don't have a firm foundation to fall back on. And it means that it could really emotionally rock you and destroy you because your worthiness and your self-concept was based on something that was external, not something that you've built internal. a of what I talked about in my last free master class, if you missed it, all around self-worth. So if that ever gets offered again, and this episode is really resonating with you, I highly recommend that you not only sign up, but you attend. And if you did attend, that you attend again.

And again, if this is something that you struggle with, because a lot of times we outsource our worthiness or our quote, good enoughness to something external. So there's a lot that is playing into I'm not good enough. And if you're really ready to rewire this, if you're really ready to figure this out and not let this control your life and the results that you're getting, because guess what? If you don't change anything about where you are with it, it is creating your results in life. It is dictating a lot of what is available to you right now. It matters, especially if before this podcast, you were saying, I ⁓ good enough if you've made it an identity versus just a fluid feeling that comes and goes.

So if you're ready to like dig this ⁓ and really clear on what's going how to change it, how to work through it, how to feel worthy no matter what good enough, no matter what. Then I highly recommend going to macierenae. com and at the bottom right. of my website, that main page of macierenae. com There's a little button that says book a free 60 minute consults. You and I will talk for an hour. I will get to know you, get to know what's working in your life, what's not working, what you want to do differently. We'll figure out if we feel like a good fit. If we do wonderful, we can talk about moving forward. If it doesn't feel like a good fit and we don't have to. Okay. But I don't want anybody to stay in this.

mentality of I'm not good enough when a lot of times we don't even know what our definition of good enough is. And even when we do know what our definition of good enough is, when it's something outsourced externally instead of something that we've built internally, if you don't feel good enough and then you suddenly do feel good enough, it needs to be because you've done the inside work to where it's not outsourced to something external. That way, if that external thing is ever taken away, you don't crumble with it. That is the work of emotional intelligence, my friends. All right. And I'd love to help you with it if you're ready. So I will see you guys again very soon. And thanks for listening to This Is Not Your Practice Life podcast.